CHANGING PARENTING PATTERNS

Men in the 21st century see being a father as their most important experience and want to be helpful during the pregnancy and the upbringing of their child. The old pattern of fatherhood, which was limited to being the breadwinner of the house, is outdated. A third of today’s dads say they would consider leaving work to take on the role of a full-time father, but in spite of being nervous about the birth of their child, men are more worried about money than losing their independence.

More than 3,000 couples across the UK, who were expecting their first or second child, were asked about their feelings about parenting in the 21st Century Parenting magazine’s annual fatherhood survey. According to 95% of the men, they believe fatherhood will make them happy, and 85% say it is their biggest life-changing event. It seems that men are taking parenthood seriously, wanting to be hands-on both before and after the birth. Nine out of ten dads-to-be attend scans and check-ups; only 2% of the men surveyed would not be at the birth because they ‘could not face it’. Seven out of ten women say their partner is more caring during the pregnancy, and 75% of men would rather stay in with their partner than go out with friends. 65% of men say they will take the two-week paternity leave at £100 a week. A further 77% say they wish they could have more time off to bond with their baby.

However, more than half of the men questioned still think that the mother should take time off work if the child is ill, but 39% said they would share it. Modern fathers-to-be are also more likely to be engaged in the chores of life compared to decades ago; almost half of them do more of the housework, 41% do more meal preparation, and a third shop more.

However, Dr Mary Johnson, a specialist psychiatrist on fathers and their changing roles, does not believe the sample survey is wide enough, but she does agree that men’s parental roles have changed dramatically. Dr Johnson, a senior lecturer at Leeds University, said, ‘Generally speaking, men are more able to be involved. As women work more, they are not totally dependent on their husbands for money, so the roles are less rigid.’ She believes that, although the roles have been modified, biological differences are important. ‘Women are the ones who carry the child and breastfeed. In those early days, however involved the father might be, they miss that connection,’ she said. She says men make up for this when the child is old enough to be played with.