Cruel to Be Kind

Is there a right way to bring up children? Can you shape your child’s personality through your discipline techniques? Do you constantly worry about what others think of your child? Some parents read guides to find an answer to these questions, many just follow their instincts. Whatever they do, a doubt always remains: 1) ..........................?
A recent contribution to the subject is Amy Chua’s controversial book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, which describes the approach to child-rearing of an ambitious Chinese parent living in the West. According to Chua, 2) .......................... . She says they are always praising their children for every effort they make, even if the result is coming last in a race or playing a piano piece badly. These are the kind of parents who will give in to their children’s demands to go out and play rather than do their homework if they protest loudly enough. They don’t worry about what the neighbours think of their chaotic attempt to get everyone out the door in the morning with homework and lunch in tow, or how teachers and other parents might judge the
brands of clothing or food they buy.
The tiger mother method is very different and 3) .......................... Tiger mothers will accept nothing less than ‘A’ grades in every subject – failure to achieve these is just proof that they have not worked hard enough. They will encourage not with praise and reward, but by punishment and shaming. Chua told her own daughter that she would take her doll’s house to a charity shop if 4) .......................... She even rejected a home-made birthday card from her daughter Sophia because she had drawn it in a hurry. But that highlights another difference, says Chua, which is directness and honesty. A tiger mother will not hesitate to tell their child that 5) .......................... whereas western parents are always telling their children not to worry, that they will do better next time, even if they think they have been lazy.
The constant complaining of the tiger mother, the banning of TV and computer games seems harsh, but 6) .......................... Chua’s children have not rebelled, and they don’t hate their strict upbringing. They are assertive and determined. They regularly get the top grades at school and are proficient at violin and piano – stereotypical symbols of success, critics would say. By contrast, children with more freedom and more laid-back parents will often lack self-discipline and will fail to push themselves to achieve more. They lack determination and are usually considered too relaxed to take things seriously at school or work.