Meet the Future You!

We know how evolution works. At a minimum, most people have seen the diagram with an ape gradually evolving to stand erectly. But have you ever thought about how humans will evolve in the future? No? Well then, your millennial minds are about to be blown by some very respected scientists. They have studied the way our bodies adapt to our environments and discovered the following:

1. Today, we’re spending most of our time in front of screens. It’s thought that the constant screen time is going to affect our eyes, and over time, the whites of our eyes will become red. The general consensus in the scientific community is that we’ll colonise planets away from the sun, so our eyes will be larger too, in order to survive in dimmer environments.

2. Now, this seems particularly predictable. Fitness tech is developing and always reminds us to move our body. But we’re already spending dangerous amounts of time sitting down. Over the following thousand-odd years, this is going to get worse. We could see our straight, evolved backs curl over into shrunken, slouching C-shapes.

3. It looks like our children are going to be heads above us too as it’s likely that you’re already taller than at least one of your parents. We’re gradually getting bigger and bigger, as nutrition in first world countries develops, and it shows no signs of slowing down.

4. Yes, a few centuries from now, we’re all going to look like Brazilians. As the ozone layer erodes, we’re exposed to increasing amounts of UV light. So dermatologists believe pale skin will evolve in order to cope with the rays.