How Non-Verbal Communication can Go Wrong for Some

David believes he gets along great with his colleagues at work, but if you were to ask any of them, they would say that David is "intimidating". Rather than just look at you, he seems to devour you with his eyes. And if he takes your hand, he lunges to get it and then squeezes so hard it hurts. David is a caring guy who secretly wishes he had more friends, but his nonverbal awkwardness keeps people at a distance.

Donna is attractive and has no problem meeting people, but she has a difficult time maintaining a relationship longer than a few months. Donna is funny and interesting, but even though she constantly laughs and smiles, she radiates tension. Her shoulders and eyebrows are noticeably raised, her voice is shrill, and her body is stiff. Being around Donna makes many people feel anxious and uncomfortable.

Mark thought he had found the perfect match when he met Robin, but Robin wasn't so sure. Mark is good looking, hardworking, and a smooth talker, but seemed to care more about his thoughts than Robin's. When Robin had something to say, Mark was always ready with wild eyes and a rebuttal before she could finish her thought. This made Robin feel ignored, and soon they broke up.

Evaluating non-verbal signals

Eye contact – Is eye contact being made? If so, is it overly intense or just right?

Facial expression – What is their face showing? Is it mask-like and inexpressive, or emotionally present and filled with interest?

The tone of voice – Does the person's voice project warmth, confidence, and interest, or is it strained and blocked?

Posture and gesture – Is their body relaxed or stiff and immobile? Are shoulders tense and raised, or relaxed?

Touch – Is there any physical contact? Is it appropriate for the situation? Does it make you feel uncomfortable?

Intensity – Does the person seem flat, cool, and disinterested, or over-the-top and melodramatic?

Timing and place – Is there an easy flow of information back and forth? Do nonverbal responses come too quickly or too slowly?

Sounds – Do you hear sounds that indicate caring or concern?